Archive for June 2009
Riding Sheep: An American Tradition?
UnderNews writers pride themselves on knowing random and obscure facts about the world, and being vocal with our contrarian opinions. However, when presented with the American Mid-Western tradition of riding sheep, this writer had absolutely nothing to say.
It’s called Mutton Bustin’ and it speaks for itself.
On this issue, every man/woman/whatever must decide for themselves…… so here are eight minutes and thirty-two seconds of a children-on-sheep competition.
New Mexico Boy Dies From The Plague (Really)
In news from two days ago which UnderNews was not able to uncover before today, it appears that a boy living in New Mexico, United States has died from the Bubonic Plague, most familiarly known as the Black Death.
Real news here (via UPI)
The boy of 8 years old and his 10 year old sister contracted the disease from an unknown source, in what became the first recorded case of the Black Death in the US this year. Officials have not released much information, though they have collected flea samples from the house, and notified neighbors that the Plague has been confirmed in their area. The news are rather silent on this as well, News.Google.Com’s count of “Related Stories” for the Plague situation is at 320, while stories of “President’s Date Night In Paris” number in the high 700’s.
Although there is no cause to worry about a possible outbreak (plague affects only 5 to 15 Americans each year), it is rather unnerving to read of cases of a dangerous and quite deadly disease (14% of American infections end in death) from the Middle Ages which is still not completely treatable killing Americans in the year 2009.
So, no flying cars, and the Black Death is still around? Nice…
To Celebrate….
Dear UnderReaders,
To celebrate our linking up with our new domain WWW.THEUNDERNEWS.COM, we have decided to let you get a little taste of the inner-workings of our (my) operation, with the Top 10 11 Searches by which users find this site!
And so…
Here they are…
The top two posts are “Radioactive Zombies” and yes, that one about “Gay Illegal Mexicans,” yet neither are really as interesting as the search terms make them out to be.
As always dear readers, please feel free to comment,
Thank You for being with us, and we look forward to seeing you in this unraveling new phase of our development.
Where The Misery Goes For Company
Residents of the SF Bay Area have long-known that Stockton, CA is quite a horrific place. So terrible in fact is its legend, that few Bay-Aryans even attempt to go there, even given its six Walgreens and one Walmart locations. It seems that now we know why, as
Stockton Has Officially (yes) Been Named The Most Miserable American City.
We here at UnderNews extend our sincerest apologies to you, oh jewel of the So-Deep-Inland-You-Had-To-Dig-A-Canal-To-Still-Qualify-As-The-Bay-Area, and we promise that we won’t think any iller of you than what we already do while driving our fancy SUVs to fashionable Lake Tahoe ski destinations, we will just make sure we have all the gas and cigarettes we need not to stop anywhere near you.
Picture Links To Forbes Story
Cuban Spy Crisis
Cuba is a country mostly forgotten by the American mind. With all of our own problems, and of course more pressing issues such as as the recent awkward adolescent behavior of Venezuela, the Latin American cocaine trade (insofar as it affects the amount of money you’ll give to your dealer later on tonight), who has time to ponder the problems of our small southern neighbor (this time, the term does not refer to Mexico).
Americans cannot travel to Cuba for matters of tourism (at least not directly), cannot do business in the country from home, or even from a foreign subsidiary, but as such, today we are relieved to know that even though he have forgotten about Cuba, they have not forgotten about us. An elderly American couple, of 72 and 71, have been charged with spying for the somewhere-around-the-Gulf-of-Mexico-area nation earlier today. The pair have allegedly been spying for the nation since they had traveled there in 1979 (when they were of an appropriate spying age).
While we would be deluding ourselves to think that spy cells from a great many countries (including allies) are not currently operating against the United States, the existence of such able and virile Cuban spies within our borders comes as a surprise. These spies, far from driving Aston Martins and having sexual relations with all kinds of women they meet along the way, were actually receiving their tasks via short-wave radio in Morse code (rather ghetto.) Though we don’t know how much information these old-schoolers were able to leak to the Cuban government (and what exactly Cuba would do with such information, seeing how their capabilities are rather, um, limited) we are happy that our anti-espionage element is able to spot even the least suspicious-appearing spies.
Far from improving our level of trust for each other, this news story reveals that those of us with state secrets must be doubly careful, because even as we look at the American Gothic painting, it might just be spying on us.
Real News Available For You (via MSNBC)
American Gothic Is Spying On You
