The UnderNews Blog

UnderNews loves religion. And religious people, and the insanity which ensues when religious people get together. Our readers may be already aware that on August 4th, 2008 UnderNews posted an article called (The Bad News… text here). So in order not to repost our original assesment of religiosity and martyrdom in Indian Pilgrims, I’ll just state that…..I’ve already written the article, and it applies again, and you can read it.

The news is cyclical and repetitive and today….

At least 147 people died in a stampede Tuesday during a religious festival at a north Indian temple, officials said. The victims, most of them men, were suffocated as they rushed down a narrow path from the temple 150 yards above, according to the officials.Thousands of Hindu pilgrims visit the Chamunda Devi temple at the southern edge of the 15th-century Mehrangarh fort in Jodhpur in the western state of Rajasthan.

The story is unfortunate and tragic, and we’re not sure why India isn’t doing a better job of protecting the health and safety of their citizens, but once again, read full text of previous instance here.

This morning’s House vote on the Wall Street Bailout Bill brought some of the best news we have seen so far to come out of the ailing financial markets. The news, in short, is that you the average American taxpayer are not liable for the mistakes of all of those ridiculously rich people!. Of course, UnderNews would not have been surprised at all if the House (Donkey-Owned-And-Operated) would have voted to nationalize the system which anchors the entire world economy, because it seems that communism is really the wave of the future, or the standard response to when-all-else-fails.

But thankfully to rational people (read: Ron Paul) and all of the constituency who e-mailed their representatives, the bail-out was not passed, the dollar was spared another beating, and the normal person does not need to bear the failures of a) their fellow man’s ability to pay their mortgage b) the financial system’s slicing and reselling of that mortgage and c) the rich man’s current inability to buy himself yet another house in the Hamptons. Unfortunately, those Wall St. bankers will currently have to bite the bullet and maybe eat at Taco Bell a couple of times this week, before the markets get on their feet again.

So, to celebrate………….

More about this news.google.com

Ron Paul! (who, by the way doesn’t endorse your candidate for the presidency, and he’s probably right)

Or… A week’s news recap.

Hong-Kong government finds chemical agent melamine in baby food, crackers and cereal.

Americans wake up to a failed and re-sold WaMu.

Lehman, Bear Sterns fail, Wachovia looks for buyer.

The South-East is facing gas-shortages not seen since the 1970s. Headlines read, “Gas Shortage Leads To Fights, Threatens Football.”

Some guy flies across the English Channel wit a rocket strapped to his back.

America attempts to nationalize financial industry; America’s richest to benefit most from deal.*

*Voters fervently oppose deal.

Miley Cyrus.

Sarah Palin has still only done 2 interviews.

–Your comments will be added to list.

In times of trouble, in times of scatological-kinetic interactions (read: shit hits the fan), we have always had the Misery Index to tell us that everything is alright. It has told us in the past that things aren’t as bad, hey, they were much worse during the end of Carter’s presidency.

To the uninitiated: the Misery Index is a great tool (with a hyperbolic name). The index is a simple addition of the unemployment rate and the rate of inflation. (The economist readers will remember however that the unemployment can give a deceptively low figure, as some out of the percentage considered have given up looking for work altogether.)

Well, in fact, things right now aren’t as bad as when Carter was around, and certainly not as bad as the economy Reagan inherited, but the trusty Misery Index ticker is on the up and up. August 2008’s (11.47%) misery index is the highest since 1991 (11.26) but with the economic turmoil, it would not be surprising in the least to see the index climb to late 80’s levels (14% and over). But these are worst-case scenarios considering that a 900 billion dollar bail-out won’t help create even more inflation (it will) or that American businesses won’t continue laying off workers to keep costs down (they will).

1991-01	12.05		Bush, G.H.W.
1991-02	11.91
1991-03	11.70
1991-04	11.59
1991-05	11.85
1991-06	11.60
1991-07	11.25
1991-08	10.70
1991-09	10.29
1991-10	9.92
1991-11	9.99
1991-12	10.36
1992-01	9.90
1992-02	10.22
1992-03	10.59
1992-04	10.58
1992-05	10.62
1992-06	10.89
1992-07	10.86
1992-08	10.75
1992-09	10.59
1992-10	10.50
1992-11	10.45
1992-12	10.30
1993-01	10.56		Clinton
1993-02	10.35
1993-03	10.09
1993-04	10.33
1993-05	10.32
1993-06	10.00
1993-07	9.68
1993-08	9.57
1993-09	9.39
1993-10	9.55
1993-11	9.28
1993-12	9.25
1994-01	9.12
1994-02	9.12
1994-03	9.01
1994-04	8.76
1994-05	8.39
1994-06	8.59
1994-07	8.87
1994-08	8.90
1994-09	8.86
1994-10	8.41
1994-11	8.27
1994-12	8.17
1995-01	8.40
1995-02	8.26
1995-03	8.25
1995-04	8.85
1995-05	8.79
1995-06	8.64
1995-07	8.46
1995-08	8.32
1995-09	8.14
1995-10	8.31
1995-11	8.21
1995-12	8.14
1996-01	8.33
1996-02	8.15
1996-03	8.34
1996-04	8.50
1996-05	8.49
1996-06	8.05
1996-07	8.45
1996-08	7.98
1996-09	8.20
1996-10	8.19
1996-11	8.66
1996-12	8.72
1997-01	8.34
1997-02	8.23
1997-03	7.96
1997-04	7.60
1997-05	7.13
1997-06	7.30
1997-07	7.13
1997-08	7.03
1997-09	7.05
1997-10	6.78
1997-11	6.43
1997-12	6.40
1998-01	6.17
1998-02	6.04
1998-03	6.07
1998-04	5.74
1998-05	6.09
1998-06	6.18
1998-07	6.18
1998-08	6.12
1998-09	6.09
1998-10	5.99
1998-11	5.95
1998-12	6.01
1999-01	5.97
1999-02	6.01
1999-03	5.93
1999-04	6.58
1999-05	6.29
1999-06	6.26
1999-07	6.44
1999-08	6.46
1999-09	6.83
1999-10	6.66
1999-11	6.72
1999-12	6.68
2000-01	6.74
2000-02	7.32
2000-03	7.76
2000-04	6.87
2000-05	7.19
2000-06	7.73
2000-07	7.66
2000-08	7.51
2000-09	7.45
2000-10	7.35
2000-11	7.35
2000-12	7.29
2001-01	7.93		Bush, G.W.
2001-02	7.73
2001-03	7.22
2001-04	7.67
2001-05	7.92
2001-06	7.75
2001-07	7.32
2001-08	7.62
2001-09	7.65
2001-10	7.53
2001-11	7.50
2001-12	7.25
2002-01	6.74
2002-02	6.84
2002-03	7.18
2002-04	7.54
2002-05	6.98
2002-06	6.87
2002-07	7.26
2002-08	7.50
2002-09	7.21
2002-10	7.73
2002-11	8.10
2002-12	8.38
2003-01	8.40
2003-02	8.88
2003-03	8.82
2003-04	8.22
2003-05	8.16
2003-06	8.41
2003-07	8.31
2003-08	8.26
2003-09	8.42
2003-10	8.04
2003-11	7.67
2003-12	7.58
2004-01	7.53
2004-02	7.29
2004-03	7.44
2004-04	7.89
2004-05	8.65
2004-06	8.87
2004-07	8.49
2004-08	8.05
2004-09	7.94
2004-10	8.69
2004-11	8.92
2004-12	8.66
2005-01	8.17
2005-02	8.41
2005-03	8.35
2005-04	8.71
2005-05	7.90
2005-06	7.53
2005-07	8.17
2005-08	8.54
2005-09	9.79
2005-10	9.35
2005-11	8.46
2005-12	8.32
2006-01	8.69
2006-02	8.40
2006-03	8.06
2006-04	8.25
2006-05	8.77
2006-06	8.92
2006-07	8.95
2006-08	8.52
2006-09	6.66
2006-10	5.71
2006-11	6.47
2006-12	7.04
2007-01	6.68
2007-02	6.92
2007-03	7.18
2007-04	7.07
2007-05	7.19
2007-06	7.19
2007-07	6.96
2007-08	6.57
2007-09	7.46
2007-10	8.24
2007-11	9.01
2007-12	9.08
2008-01	9.18
2008-02	8.83
2008-03	9.08
2008-04	8.94
2008-05	9.68
2008-06	10.52
2008-07	11.30
2008-08	11.47

Note: The blue part of the bar represents the Unemployment Rate and the red part represents the Inflation Rate.

FutureNews: Expect another .7-.9% gain in Misery Index for the month of September.

It’s been a slow time for the UnderNews as the overnews seals its holes and focuses in on completely irrelevant issues such as the election and the Wall St, shitstorm. However, today UnderNews will break some of its own guidelines of content and refer readers to some interesting news both a) about Obama and b) currently a top posting on digg.com.

The importance of this however  is greater than any rules that a blog written by myself would have.

A conservative writer, and ex-editor and publisher of the National Review (conservative publication), has placed an endorsement in Obama’s favor. Full text here from D Magazine.

So what does it mean to be a conservative for Obama? For Mr. Allison and people just like him, it is the incredible failure of the Republican party to deliver any of its many ideals, and Mr. Obama’s stances to be more conservative than Mr. McCain.

Today it is conservatives, not liberals, who talk with alarming bellicosity about making the world “safe for democracy.” It is John McCain who says America’s job is to “defeat evil,” a theological expansion of the nation’s mission that would make George Washington cough out his wooden teeth.

This kind of conservatism, which is not conservative at all, has produced financial mismanagement, the waste of human lives, the loss of moral authority, and the wreckage of our economy that McCain now threatens to make worse.

Part of the beauty of conservatism, is that one has a set of values which are almost unshakable and in line with what one assumes the founders of the Nation had in mind. Limited government, laissez-faire on foreign affairs which should not concern us at all, and human rights and freedoms are what conservatives have always stood for. Abortion is not a conservative issue, neither in contraception or birth control (read: Sarah Palin). These issues are social, over which the government should not have any say, but it seems this is all Republican contenders talk about these days. The only true conservative candidate we have seen in recent years has been, of course, Dr. Ron Paul. So read about him if you want to know what the Republican party truly believes and see if it’s congruent with what they do.

The UnderNews commends Mr. Wick Allison for having the courage to stand against the party which he has for years represented and endose a hopeful who’s chances of repeating the Bush Fiascos are much lower than his competitor’s.

-Neither a fair nor a balanced post from UnderNews

EDITOR’S NOTE: Oh, and…..uh….. gov.palin@yahoo.com got hacked. Story here, e-mails here (although site is currently experiencing FAIL.

In what will surely be the l33t-est (sp?) story of the year, it appears that the Pentagon and various agencies with strange acronyms have been working in the crevices of the cyber-seas to expose how next-gen terrorists might plan attacks in the future.

Apparently gone are the days of burner cell-phones, and…. I mean, I really have no idea of how these things get planned, but the Pentagon seems to think that the next-generation terrorist will be using his (or her…) level 56 paladin to plan the next terror attack.

Though possibly not thoroughly outlandish (terrorists have used Google Earth before), it seems that the government has underestimated the raw addictive power and fantastic gameplay element inherent in WoW. It would seem that WoW may be in fact a destructive element to these terror cells, as members find that internet quests are much easier, and bundles more fun than actual ones. (And of course, as soon as you finish the fatwa you put out on the dragon, you can come back the next day and do it again!! the fun never ends).

Note: First reported by blog.wired.com. Here you can find the original post. And here you can download the PowerPoint presentation by Dr. Dwight Toavs of National Defense University (also via Wired).

I think that I can write for the general public when I say that my view of Mr. Matt Damon has been thoroughly skewed towards the negative ever since Team America had its tremendous success. I mean, who wouldn’t? His Team America character is the epitome of the “full-retard” Downey was talking about in Tropic Thunder.

So personally, I found it rather funny that the same man was speaking quite eloquently in a new AP video which just surfaced, discussing Sarah Palin’s potential presidency…..And then I actually started listening…..And he was right. You can guess the shock which struck me when I understood that Matt Damon (see above) paraphrased the Palin-syndrome better than I could. But, here it is.

TRAVEL:

With the recent, cataclysmic declines of the dollar, Americans (the math-competent ones) have been hedging their tour plans and staying in their homeland. This, of course, is a wise decision when one recounts that in the beginning of 2007, the EUR was worth 1.29 dollars, and has spiked to 1.60 in recent weeks. That’s a 23% increase and a huge decline in buying power. Coupled with inflation, rising food prices, and how heavily tourists get ripped off in other countries, Euro trips have become unwieldy for some.

Thankfully, there’s good news. Have you ever heard of South Korea? No, no, it’s safe there, and there are loads of things to see, no I’m not going to research them for you. But, hurry up and catch the rest of the summer, because my friend….right now…you’re so rich.

In fact, the Won (obviously the South Korean currency) has fallen considerably, and this year, the venerable Dollar has gained 20% against the Won. So, imagine that it’s January of 2007. You might be angry at your president, but at least the economy has yet to shit itself, and you’re doing pretty well. You still have your house, your car, your wife, and your kid. Well, that’s how you’ll feel if you travel to South Korea immediately.

But hurry up, this embarrassing weakness against the dollar might not last long.

-AA

Undecisions:

499 words hitting on topics like ObamaGirl, Swing Vote, Valence Electrons, NaCl and KCl salts while not exactly proving anything to anyone.

As many have noticed by now, the current election season was never about them. It was never about how much Obamagirl loves Obama or how much white people would love McCain… Except…no… maybe it was only about Obamagirl, but those 15 minutes of fame and the meager career prospects she can squeeze out of that fame are her only consolation.

No one has ever cared about any real voters. And this is clear. This is life. This is America, and we have an electorate.

Sometimes Hollywood movies really do get it right. No, I’m not talking about Election, I’m talking about Swing Vote. That poor Kevin Cosner vehicle which never really flew as high as people would have liked (although hopefully for the cast and the message it’ll get some rental exposure before the actual election). For those unfamiliar or oblivious, the premise of Swing Vote is that somewhere, in some state, during some election, all of the voting machines got screwed up (in a vital swing state), and essentially the vote for the next president of the US came down to one man. Obviously, both candidates, the media and the rest of the train had to come pander to the sensibilities of Kevin Cosner and his less-oblivious daughter. I have no idea what happens in the movie, I don’t really wish to watch it.

My petit argument is that as soon as a voter chooses a candidate (and of course, as soon as a voter finds himself in a deep-blue or deep-red state), their vote is no longer relevant as an individual, since a whole horde of the unenlightened will still vote, and the candidate of the party historically supported by the state will take those points.

Segue to physics…in 5…4..3….

Have you ever noticed that you have never settled anything in a dispute of politics besides finding out who’s voice is the loudest? Of course you haven’t. Your energy levels are already settled on a candidate. Let’s call you and your liberal friends iron. You see, its very difficult for iron to change what it is….and also pretty difficult for iron to bond to anything, and when you’re trying to get a chemical reaction, iron is pretty much absolutely useless. So if you have a candidate in mind already, just go ahead and sit back down, because you’re no longer necessary, not for the candidate and not for the innocent bystanders who overhear your arguments. You’re part of the cake now, and the candidature is more concerned with the icing. Or, as we shall find out in the next paragraph, you are meat, and they just want a little bit of salt on it..

Now, think of Mr. Obama as Sodium, and Mr. …oh… McCain as Potassium. The undecided voter is Chlorine. Both of the candidates have one valence electron, and Chlorine has seven. Chlorine needs a candidate to fill in its last valence vacancy…its undecided. Which way is it going to go? You see, stubborn iron… no one much cares about you anymore. The alkali metals aren’t prancing around you my friend, all they want to do is to beat each other to that poor undecided voter and sprinkle that salt on the huge piece of read (or bleu) meat (Get it? Iron?) they already have.

-AA